Week 5 NFL Picks: Is It Monday Night Yet?

Hello all my rowdy well-reserved friends, it's Monday Night Football week for our Detroit Lions for the first time since I was driving my Dad's minivan around when I first got my driver's license. The Lions playing on MNF means this Sunday will feel like a bye week or the Sunday after Thanksgiving as we anxiously devour our finger nails down to the bones of our distal phalanges, waiting for Monday Night (or the Tigers tonight). Yummy anticipation.

On Monday Night, I'll be live blog banging the Lions game on AwfulAnnouncing.com, mostly talking for the first time about how I don't mind how much the MNF crew falls head over heels for the players they're calling, because this week it'll likely be the LIons. And loving these Lions is totally normal. 

Anyway, I was 10-6 last week, losing the last couple games of the week. There are three less games this week with the byes coming into play for the first time this season.

Byes: Cowboys, Dolphins, Ravens, Browns, Redskins and Rams

BILLS (+2.5) over Eagles

Michael Vick is calling this the Eagles' season now that they've been knocked off of their preseason pedestal. Go Bills. 

Chiefs (+1.5) over COLTS

The Chiefs figured out how to win last week and the Colts are on a short week after losing at home on MNF. Expect more Peyton Manning agony (which reminds me of this).

VIKINGS (-3.5) over Cardinals

The saying 'blind squirrels find a nut every now and then' only makes sense to me if the blind squirrels get a little help from their friends.

Seahawks (+10.5) over GIANTS

STEELERS (-4.5) over Titans

I can't conceive Matt Hasselbeck leading the Titans over the Steelers on the road to improve to 4-1. I won't allow that.

Saints (-5.5) over PANTHERS

The Panthers are 3-0-1 against the spread. Their perfect season ends today. 

JAGS (-1.5) over Bengals

This week's game which I do not want to be caught watching... 

Raiders (+7.5) over TEXANS

No Andre Johnson for the Texans and the ghost of Al Davis going for the Raiders. I wouldn't be surprised if Raiders find a way to just win, baby.

49ERS (-1.5) over Bucs

That Bud Light/Bucs fan commercial where the Gramatica bros show up in the end - that's how this one ends.

Jets (+9.5) over PATRIOTS

If the pretty boy Sanchize throws two-plus interceptions, the Patriots will cover, but Rex Ryan would fast before not having his guys ready to play vs. the Pats. 

Chargers (-4.5) over BRONCOS

I don't know what the Chargers are thinking, winning all these early games, but it's a bold strategy. The Broncos are such a mess that I saw Tim Tebow on 'The Biggest Loser' this past week.

FALCONS (+3.5) over Packers

Last week Aaron Rodgers did the discount double check dance six times, but I think the Falcons will avenge their embarrassing NFC Divisional Playoff loss to the Packers (by at least covering).

LIONS (-6.5) over Bears

As a friend put it to me, I don't think the 1985 Bears could go into Detroit and beat the Lions in their first MNF game since 2001. Mostly because the 1985 Bears are really old now. 

Last week: 10-6

Season: 36-28

Standings vs. a commenter, my brother (W-L ... GB)

ME: 36-28 ... -
D.P.: 35-29 ... 1 GB (11-5 last week)