Week 7 NFL picks 2012: Living forever through last week

I had a Jehovah's Witness come to my door the other day asking me if I believed it were possible to live forever. I saw an Old Spice commercial once, so I responded, "Everyone dies, but if you die a hero, you can live forever through a line of premium table crackers."

The nice, now confused, gentleman then asked me to read an excerpt from his pamphlet and mull it over for the next time he would bother me at my home. Perhaps I would do as he asked over some delicious crackers or some other snack of my choice.

Coincidentally, I read a post over at Wages of Wins earlier that day that asked the question, 'Can Happiness Improve Players?' I didn't really receive an answer to that question, but together -- the Jehovah's Witness and the WoW article -- I was left wondering, on the heels of perhaps my best sports week ever (Tigers going to the World Series, Lions winning, and me going 11-3 last week and being better at this than any self-proclaimed expert at any other sports media entity), if somehow it could go on forever. Can happiness and dominating the picks against the spread live on forever? Maybe I'll go door to door and ask this new-age question.

No. Probably not.

Despite Pete Carroll's positive mindset, I don't think winning forever is possible. Whether you're the happiest, luckiest guy in the world or the most miserable homeless person who hasn't stumbled across a cracker to nibble on in weeks, or somewhere in between, like the most scrumptrilicious [sic] part of a Heads or Tails Oreo.

So, with that, here are my 2-11 picks for Week 7:

BILLS (-3.5) over Titans

Chris Johnson has showed signs of breaking out into that get-away-from-the-tacklers speedy running back that he was in his first three seasons and parts of last year. If he's not all the way broken out (he had a set back in Week 5), then the Bills swiss cheese run defense should be more than generous enough to give all of Johnson's groove back. And a big game from Johnson might mean that the Titans go into Buffalo and steal one, like they did against Pittsburgh last week. But then, I saw Forbes' Top 10 most dangerous cities and I was surprised to see Buffalo crack the list.

Saints (-3) over BUCS

Drew Brees believes the Saints can get back into the thick of things more than anyone, and when Drew Brees believes in something, you follow him into the dark like a Death Cab for Cutie song.

GIANTS (-5.5) over Redskins

David Wilson said an interesting thing this week:

"I'm like birth control. You have to believe in me," Wilson said. "Like birth control, 99.9 percent of the time I'm going to come through for you.

You know, except that time he fumbled and cried about it. But the Giants come through.

Cowboys (-2.5) over PANTHERS

It would seem the Panthers are turning against their offensive coordinator:

"We can't call the plays," Williams told USA TODAY Sports. "We run the plays that are called, and we try to make the best of our opportunities. You watch the games."

I'll watch the Cowboys win this one.

TEXANS (-7) over Ravens

What are the Ravens going to do without their motivational speaker?

COLTS (-3) over Browns

This time maybe Trent Richardson will be bulletproof. Fire away, Luck.

PATRIOTS (-10.5) over Jets

The Belichick hood is coming off!

RAIDERS (-4.5) over Jaguars

BENGALS (+2.5) over Steelers

Even a gritty, 'won't take no for an answer' Ben Roethlisberger battling through an ankle injury can keep A.J. Green down from showing the nation he's the second best wide receiver in the NFL behind Calvin Johnson.

Teasers (+14)

Seahawks (+21) over 49ERS

Good thing I teased this one or I would've been very unhappy with Jim Harbaugh, one way or the other. What a total mildew of a game.

Cardinals (+20) over VIKINGS

I've got a very intricate system here. Kevin Kolb, Ryan Williams, Beanie Wells, Kerry Rhodes and Greg Toler are all out. Minus-two for each, so that's minus-10. The Cardinals' starting tackles suck, so that's probably another minus-two each. That's minus-14. Jared Allen destroys the Cardinals for two sacks every time he plays them, it seems. That's minus-two. That's now minus-16. Once I account for the plus or minus two for any error and Christian Ponder distracted by his relationship with Samantha Steele, I determine that the Cards should probably, hopefully, cover 20.

Packers (+8.5) over RAMS

A.J. Hawk was once released by the Packers due to his contract and Adam Schefter called the move a "shocker." Last week, Hawk was doing the shocking. The Packers covering a 8.5 spread? No shock here.

Lions (+20) over BEARS

A few weeks ago, I traded for Alshon Jeffery in one of my fantasy leagues thinking he would blow up and that one of his better games would come against the Lions this week. Well, now he's hurt and the Bears are talking about wanting Devin Hester's package to grow. Gross.

Last week: 11-3 (see above gif)
SEASON: 57-32-2

DP: 53-36-2