Week 2 NFL Picks 2012: Frothing And Wet Socks

Every year without fail, the week between Week 1 and Week 2 in the NFL is one big hangover. I gear up for Week 1 with so much energy and endure it with so much liquid courage that I need a couple viewings of the Dick's commercials and listens to the Rocky IV soundtrack to get all the way back up for Week 2. Don't worry, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew by game day, doing a dirty rendition of the "Gangnam style" horse dance until kickoff, but I'm a little dispirited leading up to it.

It also doesn't help that I'm historically unlucky in fantasy football in Week 1s. By halftime of Week 1, I'm so frustrated with my team already that I'm sending texts to my friends about how much I hate fantasy football and asking why I put myself through the torture every year.

Anyway, here are my Week 2 picks.

PACKERS (-6) over Bears

I've been racking my brain the most over this game and it shouldn't be that hard -- there's no way Aaron Rodgers starts 0-2 (at Lambeau) this season, right? Well, many seem to think that's exactly what will happen.

The Bears passing attack looked as I feared in Week 1, but they were playing the Colts. The Packers' secondary is spoiled Swiss, but they had a much tougher task last week against the 49ers.

They're ready for this kind of game ... I think.

[proof]

Raiders (-2.5) over DOLPHINS

Around here you get your fair share of disappointments, but in the end, someone is going to fight for the things that really matter, like pride and your first win.

BENGALS (-7) over Browns

The Bengals last week and Brandon Weeden ...

BILLS (-3.5) over Chiefs

The GIF above applies for how I felt last week when the Bills got caught with their pants down and pooped a rotten egg against the Jets. Not only did they not win, as I predicted, they lost by three touchdowns. Lucky for them, they're home this week and playing a team that was equally embarrassed.

PANTHERS (+3) over Saints

PATRIOTS (-14) over Cardinals

It really doesn't matter who starts for the Cardinals, because neither is Tom Brady and neither has the kind of weapons at his disposal. Kevin Skelton's starting for all that matters.

COLTS (+1.5) over Vikings

Indianapolis fans are probably agonizing over the successful return of Peyton Manning, but I think Andrew Luck looked good for a rookie in his first game in Week 1 and I think Luck will lead his team to victory in his first game in front of the home crowd.

Cowboys (-3) over SEAHAWKS

Oh, the Seahawks are going to make the playoffs this year. Winforever. Oh, Russel Wilson is great. Oh, the Seahawks are going to make the Super Bowl a la 2006. Winforever. Oh, [fart noises]. Cowboys, Tony Romo start 2-0 and Seahawks drop to 0-2. Feel free to make noises with your butt at me all week if I'm wrong.

STEELERS (-6) over Jets

I'm still incredibly skeptical of the Jets like I am of Mark Sanchez having the ability to throw a football out of the stadium and stave off Tim Tebow.

CHARGERS (-6) over Titans

Philip Rivers says he's always had the mentality to protect the ball. Mind over matter, finally.

Lions (+6.5) over 49ERS

Let's go shake their hands.

FALCONS (-3) over Broncos

I really like that Julio Jones has brought back the 'Dirty Bird.' I think that's a better comeback story than Peyton Manning.

Teaser Picks (+14):

Buccaneers (+21.5) over GIANTS

Tampa Bay's defense looked staunch against the Carolina Panthers last week whereas the Giants looked much like the mediocre Giants of yesteryear before they decided to get hot at the right time. The Giants are at home and have had extra time to prepare, but at worst for the Bucs, I don't see this game getting out of hand.

Ravens (+16.5) over EAGLES

The Ravens destroyed the Bengals on Monday Night Football while Michael Vick was throwing picks and talking about faulty ladybug luck. Even if the Ravens fall, they should cover easily.

JAGUARS (+21.5) over Texans

Blaine Gabbert and the Jaguars didn't look so miserable in Week 1, but the Texans aren't exactly the Vikings. Even if it gets ugly, I think 21.5 points is doable unless Gabbert starts mistaking the Texans' corners for his own wide receivers on every other pass, which I guess is entirely possible.

RAMS (+17) over Redskins

Griffining is stupid.

Last week: 9-7

Season: 9-7

DP: 12-4