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Week 9 NFL Picks: Bye Weeks Are Stupid, Somebody Hold Me

It's a bye week for the Lions, but I guess I'll still make some picks and watch football today.

The worst Sunday during the NFL season is the week the Lions are on a bye (this week). Make all the jokes about how bye weeks were a nice breath of fresh air when the Lions sucked in years past, but for the real fans who would still sweat and cheer (and cry) through every game each Sunday, bye weeks always feel empty and stupid. (Sundays after Thanksgiving always suck, too, but at least there was a game on Thursday.)

Having said that, these picks are probably going to be a little more callous and equally as short as weeks past. 

Jets (+1.5) over BILLS

I hate this pick like I hate bye weeks, because I'd really like to see some wagons get circled and Sanchez get picked a lot.

Seahawks (+13.5) over COWBOYS

It's like the oddsmakers don't know the Cowboys.

Bucs (+9.5) over SAINTS

I don't think there's any chance the Saints lose this game, I just don't think they'll win by 10, okay?

Falcons (-6.5) over COLTS

(I secretly think the Colts are going to shock the world behind a strong game from [sigh] Curtis Painter)

CHIEFS (-5.5) over Dolphins

Or maybe this is the week the Dolphins finally win? Not today, John.

REDSKINS (+3.5) over 49ers

I almost hate the 49ers more than I do the Redskins

Browns (+10.5) over TEXANS

Guess what? No Andre Johnson again ... and no cover. 

RAIDERS (-7.5) over Broncos

I know it was the Lions, but I really don't think this Tim Tebow guy is the quarterback savior his cult following thinks he is.  Blow job.

TITANS (-3.5) over Bengals

One of these teams will win (they have to) and the result for that team will be a record far better than they should have at this point in the season. 

PATRIOTS (-9.5) over Giants

They actually had a debate about Eli Manning vs. Tom Brady on ESPN this morning. 

CARDINALS (-3.5) over Rams

Some teams can't come back from really bad losses, just like some teams can't come back from really good wins. Rams know what I'm talking about.

CHARGERS (+5.5) over Packers 

This is all I have to live for this Sunday. 

STEELERS (-3.5) over Ravens

Week 1 payback. Because Week 1 was really embarrassing. 

Bears (+7.5) over EAGLES

Ugh, I hate bye weeks.

Last week: 7-6

Season ATS: 64-52

Standings vs. commenter(s), my brother (W-L ... GB):

ME: 64-52 ... - 
D.P.: 62-54 ... 2 GB (5-8 last week)