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Week 13 NFL Picks: And When My Picks Go Marching In

These are my awesome week 13 picks.

I'm not one to toot my own horn usually, but I'm ranked 106 out of 1,000 in my PoolTracker against the spread league. If you take out the middle few weeks where I pooped out some real sloppy stinkers, I'd be in the top 15. Of course, I'm in an amateur league, so I guess that makes me an expert amateur or a muppet of a man or something.

SEAHAWKS (+3.5) over Eagles

Eagles' dream team starting much like the Miami Heat dream team. Except they don't get another 66 games to correct themselves.

BILLS (-1.5) over Titans

Chris Johnson had 190 yards rushing last week, his best week of the season. The other Johnson on the other team shot himself in the leg and then dropped the game-winning touchdown twice. I still like the Bills at home here.

Chiefs (+9.5) over BEARS

Did you watch Caleb Hanie last week? I don't think I'd trust this Bears team with a five point spread. 

Raiders (+2.5) over DOLPHINS

Run DMC is out again, but that hasn't stopped the Raiders from taking over the AFC West. 

PATRIOTS (-MILLION) over Colts

I would've gone with the Colts in this one because a million points (21.5) is just way too many, but we already saw the Colts lose by a million points this season. 

Bengals (+7.5) over STEELERS

Ben Roethlisberger was wearing a fedora walking into the stadium today. 

Panthers (+3.5) over BUCS

Cam Newton the Cover Superman against a Josh Freeman-less Bucs. Some guy named Josh Johnson is starting place of Freeman - I didn't know the Florida Miami Marlins' pitcher was healthy enough. 

Jets (-3.5) over REDSKINS

If the Jets lose this game, Rex Ryan's seat should be getting quite warm... and I'm not talking about the digested damn snacks seeping out at all times.

Falcons (-2.5) over TEXANS

The Texans should just put Arian Foster under center. 

Broncos (+0.5) over VIKINGS

Donovan McNabb did a nice job distracting the Vikings this week, the week they appear before Tim Tebow

BROWNS (+6.5) over Ravens

I actually like the Browns to win this game, not just cover. Colt McCoy!

49ERS (-13.5) over Rams

I made this pick without even flinching earlier in the week, but now I hate it. 

Packers (-6.5) over GIANTS

Now would not be a good time for Lions fans for the Packers to decide to start losing. 

Cowboys (-6.5) over CARDINALS

The Cowboys have quietly won four straight and this will be the game that puts them over the edge -- ESPN starts talking about them ad nauseam again.

 SAINTS (-9.5) over Lions

This is only the second time this season I've picked against the Lions -- the 49ers game was the other. I have a bad feeling about this game. Everything reeks of blowout and, thus, annoying doses of "Suh is dirty" talk from the unbearable Cris Collinsworth. Obviously, I'll be rooting/drinking my face off for the Lions to win. And Matthew Stafford won't be wearing gloves.

Chargers (-1.5) over JAGS

It's so cute of ESPN to play this game up like it's a must-win for the Chargers. The Chargers lost their must-win last week. This is just another meaningless MNF game. 

Last week: 11-5

Season ATS: 95-81

Standings vs. commenter(s), my brother (W-L ... GB):

ME: 95-81 ...  --
D.P.: 92-84 ... 3 GB  (5-11 last week)